does wine, beer, and vodka mix well??
dude, everything can mix, this is college.
Just bought plan B with a coupon. Told the pharmacist I like to keep it classy.
Every day you talk to me ... I literally love you more..
you could never motorboat her...you'd have to motor-titanic her
I saw him on the jumbotron, its like god doesnt want me to forget his tiny penis
Hey for future reference vodka can not be substituted for water when shaving your legs
Apparently I tried to convince him to sleep with me by showing him that I could do dips....
I have a scary feeling my mom might switch her goals from finding me a husband in 2012 to sending me to rehab
When did our fuck buddy relationship, turn into me babysitting his dog?
Guys with values who care about your personality don't cum on your back the 2nd time they you sleep with you.
I peed in a 7/11 last night. Like literally pretended I pretended I was shopping, looked around, and peed on boxes in the corner. No more tequila
For sure. Gotta go. Building an igloo.
My walk of shame was 2 miles of feathers flying off of me, underwear in hand, and a homeless man telling me he'd pray for me. It was gold medal worthy.
What!? It's 7:30am on gameday. This keg is not going to drink itself.
I had a dream I got back with Amanda. And then cheated on her the same day. Even my conscious is a dick
you fell asleep with her panties on your face. how are you surprised??
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