Do you ever think God made girls unattractive around their periods as a warning?
YOURE GIVING A BLOW JOB TO THE BOY WHO SAYS "OH SNAP"
he told me he wanted to get "words" tattooed on his penis so he could say hes always putting words in my mouth..
they ran out of ice so they are using frozen shrimp in their drinks
His foreplay reminded me too much of breastfeeding.
We just leapfrogged all the way to the bar.
I asked him why he was eating an entire can of refried beans, the only answer I got was "revenge"
I woke up and discovered I gave new meaning to the term "pizza pockets" yes it's exactly like it sounds like
we should definitely drink gin again. soon.
It's just unfortunate that I still have the image of him having sex with me fresh in my mind
I mean really am I setting up a snapchat when I'm 40 so I can send nudes to my 23 yr old bf? yes, yes I am. Where is my life heading.
When I got home he was in his underpants on the couch, eating pop tarts and crying while watching Voltron.
You just kept mumbling about the carpet being covered in stains that looked like the face of God. Until you decided that they were closer in relation to Dumbledore.
I knew how blacked out you were when you started doing that thing where you dance around and call yourself the Black Swan.
Hey, I was just wondering why i dont have a shirt on, why im cuddling with a furnace, why im in my own basement, and where my car is.
I’m going to hump him until his teeth hurt and then I’m going to have my way with him
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