The night ended with a lot of tears and everyone singing along to Willenium
Word to the wise: learn how to ask "What is my bail posted as" in French before traveling abroad.
My vagina would be awesome. I would be the most popular girl in the village.
Im sleeping in your bed. Sorry for the sand and the noise and the loud people. Im starving
Your blankets are not drunk friendly
No, the weekend was great. It was the waking up in the pond in the raft without an oar that sucked. That fucking water is cold at 7am.
Maybe we could get a groupon for vasectomy. I'm game.
And before you knew it they were calling me the pussy usher or something like that
there is nothing worst than getting kicked in the face by a stripper
I feel like you just railed me after that sext
I feel like getting drunk at the airport is sort of a rite of passage into adulthood, but maybe i should reserve that occasion for a flight thats not just 1 hr
Successfully defrauded the county government. What have you done today?
I fought a guy last night because he said "extra pulp orange juice is the best orange juice"
Like actually I will be single and sad and lonely for ever. Cheese will be my life partner. Robot sex is my future.
Best news I’ve heard all day. Cookies and dick. What more could a girl ask for?
Do you remember trying to eat the shower curtain last night...?
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