How do I introduce myself to her without coming off as "the guy who jacks-off to her profile pic"?
If you stick your dick in my spaghetti, we're fighting.
all i could think was her face looked like a farm accident
You missed out on a serious adventure. Cops were called. We put a chicken in someones house.
You insisted on squirting shots of captain morgan in your mouth with a turkey baster by like 930.
we got cut off at 8 am. He spilled his drink three times on the plane. this should be one hell of a vegas trip
$645 later, she's throwing up in my washroom and asking for a cab. Hooker are soooo much cheaper.
It sucks laughing and vomiting at the same time, trust me. I kind of remember
She showed me her tits outside Taco Bell....After she flashed the dude working there in an effort to get in.
This whole pope visit thing is ruining me having sex.
You were so drunk you told some dude your life story in one short sentence... and kissed his fiancé. You're invited to the wedding.
do you think mom is upset that i left with the stripper from her bachelorette party last night?
It was a bad idea to take ecstasy with cats in the house. No animal likes being touched that much. Let me know how your eye feels tomorrow
My ex just brought my grandpa weed. Not sure how I feel about this.
What is the best medium with which to say, "Happy Birthday, I'm having your abortion"... Cake? Card?
Randomize
