Why is it that every time I type the word "give" my phone spells out HIV?! You know how many people i've told I want to HIV them something!
bought some hannah montana deodorant. hope it doesnt make me smell untalented
Its kinda awkward hearing him say the food taste like ass considering what he did last night.
Basically I learned last night that if you're too polite people will think it's okay to play with your nipples when really its not even a little okay
dude, you declined head because you wanted to tell her about how you put cinnamon in your weed. also, we're low on Chef Boyardee
How many trips to the liquor store in a week constitutes alcoholism?
Don't know why you're always hating on relationships. I've had chocolate pancakes accompanied by a blowjob and a blunt and it's not even 9 am. Time for mid morning shower sex. Enjoy your morning bong bowl alone asshole
No you don't understand. This tree is really alive. Like in Pocahontas.
I would say "man cannot subsist on sexting and brownies alone" but I think it's actually possible.
I woke up in a bath tub and my face was sore and it wasn't because of you, I was impressed
In case you're wondering what frozen hashbrowns taste like at 4 in the afternoon, shame. They taste like shame.
I think I've had more sex in your bed than you have and I've only been here three days
I probably would do him if given the chance but how awkward would Bible study be after that.
you said you were the change fairy and you kept throwing all of your quarters at me.
Bowls and Harry Potter this morning. I guess work isn't so bad after all
Randomize
