you thought you were invisible so you started narrating your actions.
All I remember is saying that "fire will make it all better"
Yeah apparently i got lonely because everyone was hooking up so i took matters into my own hands. I woke up on the floor spooning a vaccuum cleaner, a mop, 40 paper cups, and industrial grade detergent.
just used clorox wipes to give myself a whores bath. hello finals week
Does she usually listen to trance and cut up broccoli when she's high?
I'm single as of 11 minutes ago. I was the chick who drunkenly tried to climb into bed with you 2 weeks ago. Wanna make this happen?
He got violent drunk so we have to untie him in the morning. He's in your basement and you're out of electrical tape. Don't forget because I will.
I found out Naomi Campbell and I have the same birthday and I feel like that explains so much
It could be worse. I was dumped by a guy in a kilt after he gave my shoes away on St. Patrick's Day.
I did it on acid. I can cook bacon on any condition
We tried to do sophisticated last night, but our low class kept shining through.
We smoked weed. AS A FAMILY. IT WAS BEAUTIFUL.
They way I see it is I've wasted 7 years of having these glorious tits. I only have about 3 good years left before idk kids or just gravity takes over and they don't look this nice so it's basically open season.
He showed up to a booty call with 2 tea bags, but no condom...
I don't think he likes that I'm always sending him pictures of me in my bra but he needs to get it together
Randomize
