Do fat girls normaly have fat that look like a penis by their pussy?
What the hell did you do last night?!
he aimed his bare ass at the sparkler, farted, and it really did work...i love 4th of july anal fire works
It's my diet secret . . . it's like slimfast but I call it cockfast instead.
I was sitting on the floor of CVS chugging white grape juice until someone asked me to leave.
I'm drunk in a field. the chupacobra is going to eat me. if I die serve vodka at my funeral.
he's singing something in russian and knocking over my plants with his dick, get his drunk ass out of my apartment
HE STUCK IT IN THE FISHBOWL WTF
Drunkness level: fluent in olde norse
You know I love you more than life itself, but love has its limits. And so help me god, if you bail on me, I will fucking watch the last Game of Thrones episode without you.
Please tell me I made it home with both shoes on
Nope
At least you didn't wake up next to your professor who then proceeded to cancel class via phone while still inside of me.
I NEED TO TAKE A FUCKING BREAK. MY VAGINA IS SMOKING.
I am sweating Crown. It all went wrong when the ratio hit 50-50
Is it bad form to puke out of a dorm window to avoid looking bad in front of the people in your room?
How about from a sixth floor window?
I'm doing my accounting homework with my vibrator. Guess whose numbers are balanced on the financial statement? This ladys!
CTFD. There’s plenty of dick in the sea! This is Vegas, we import dick. \nWorst case scenario we get a rental penis
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