he quoted cool runnings while we were having sex: feel the rythm,feel the rhyme, get on up, its bobsled time
When are you freeeeeeeeee?
My phone auto corrected that to freeeeeeeeeedoooooooooom. That's kinda awesome.
i'm smoking hookah in a kayak. how did this happen.
It was so delicious I was introducing it to people. Guy from my psych class was like "This is my girlfriend, Erica," and I was like, "This is my milkshake, Oreo."
im sleeping in a hamic at a mansion. best hangover ever
He tried to make an olympic torch by lighting a corona box on top of a pool cleaner.
If she were to ever cheat on her husband, I'm positive I'm the the go to guy. Which flatters me and weirds me out at the same time.
Cavemen vs astronauts. weapons to be determined. Who would win?
I miss eating meals at a table and having unprotected sex..
Well I blew a guy I barely know in full view of a homeless camp. That's pretty tame for me.
If I had cancer, and got to make a wish, id make the organization force your dad to fuck me.
The only thing stopping me from having sex with you in my parents jacuzzi bathtub is the knowledge that they've already had that idea themselves
Ski vacations are for hooking up with randoms. It's like I don't even know you
Drowning in science and also vodka. Hope you're having fun.
I don't know what's worse. The fact that my biological mother is an unwitting bigamist, or the fact that my half sister is trying to seduce my girlfriend.
Randomize
