im pretty sure i tried to attack the vending machine last night
lol who won
well im in the hospital right now so u tell me
the real housewives of new jersey finale is tonight. it makes me wish we had pot.
I can tell how much and what I drank by my morning shits
just wanted to thank u for shitting in my dads bidet last night. i had to manually scoop ur shit out of it. btw ur dumped.
oh btw spread eagle is not an appropriate phrase to use in a scientific presentation. learned that the hard way
I just got hard thinking about a crunch wrap. Im done
You unbuttoned your shirt and started walking down the center of the road screaming traffic stops for Enrique Iglesias.
Dude. He drives a mini. Therefore he's a virgin
1.) where are you? 2.) you making meatballs? 3.) Meatballs for sex?
Is it going to be one of those nights where I shouldn't wear my contacts so everyone looks more attractive?
He hasn't responded, but he probably just jizzed in his shorts again, so I'll give him time.
I just hit myself in the face while taking off my shirt. I could never be a stripper.
I sobered up and saw I was with the fat one and you had left laughing with the hot one. You're a terrible wingman, but an excellent manipulator
Just had my butthole waxed. If that changes your plans for Saturday..
I'm eating a bagel on the toilet and watching porn. Trust me, I've got my priorities straight.
Randomize
