Do you think anyone has ever tried to have sex with a cows udder before?
i was so drunk i stopped mid-blowjob to make sure he i was with my boyfriend and not some random. twice.
His blow is so strong I threw up. Buy it. I'm in nursing school I know what I'm talking about.
It's a special occasion. Hence the 151.
This text is addressed to sober me: getting drunk by yourself may have seemed like a Good idea at first bit it can tell you that it wasn't ad fun as you thought it would be
Ps your lap top bag is FULL of empty beets
I made this pact with my vagina, though. No more heartless fuckery.
She was covered in mud grabbed my crotch and said see that handprint that means I called dibs
How could I forget your birthday? I have an alarm in my phone to ask you for sex that day.
I have cum and leaves all over me. Don't ask questions.
There is always the bar, but 2 30 on a Tuesday just screams alcoholism
I got to her place and she was petting her cat and pounding vodka out of the bottle. She looked like Dr evil in yoga pants. She's nuttier than squirrell shit.
Didn't pick classes because we were out all weekend...only open course is "alcohol and drug problems". Fucking ironic.
You just get me
I'm the wind beneath your wings, bitch
FUCK WHALES
Woke up in my boxers on a subway with a phone number written on my arm in lipstick..Best Night EVER.
Randomize
