Yeah, we realized keeping you in a cage wasn't beneficial to us
you were convinced that if all her tampons were gone her period would stop, so you started eating them.
There's so much relief when you realize you wake up in your own bed
she got the salsa and pickles out of the fridge looked at me and said what can i make with this
he was once again the drunkest girl at the party
And by "hammer out the details" you know I mean spending 20 minutes on wedding plans then getting wine drunk, right?
So the keyword here is "hammered"?
Favor? Can you not wear as much glitter on your face this time? Walking in the house looking like a disco ball was enough embarrassment for the week 😒
How on earth did you break your wrist?
I went into someone's yard so I could pee and I found a tireswing
Trying to figure out what I just puked. Demon weed is salad. No more drunk buffets.
If I die tonight, I want you to have the rest of my nachos. And my porn collection.
I walked in on him fucking my best friend. I think we've reached the point of following each other on twitter.
Drunk me just left a note for sober me apologizing for all the fucking crumbs in our bed
Buying a new bed right now. My options are limited because I need to be able to be tied to it.
I'm in the Sheetz parking lot waiting for dad to finish a drug deal.
Stop making fun of my hookups!
Stop getting hookups that I can make fun of!
Randomize
