I'm gunna smoke cigs today. I feel like I'm in that powerful and gritty mood which requires them
i was watching some porn this morning and i realized i am blessed with a truly beautiful vagina
i dont care if i have to wear a pillow case, there will be an open bar at my wedding
i dont think my parents would of encouraged me to save years of birthday money if they knew what i would eventually spend it on
please don't go to jail. I'd hate to have to call the montgomery county jail every time I need sex advice
Just bought an airhorn. Bad things will happen.
do you think semen can infect my impacted wisdom tooth
if you ever get a chance to, fuck in a lecture hall. great acoustics. highly recommend it.
I come back upstairs and she's leaning over sink full of vomit saying 'oh my god it's the chili'
Shit ive learned: when going out to a party, always wear a bathing suit underneath just in case theres a pool with a roof next to it
There's s woman at the corner of the bar dancing by herself in her seat and making eye contact with me. Please hurry.
Every minute you wait for the sex that's not gonna happen, we're missing a tone deaf, drunk, tard-asaurus rex half-sing a 90's song to a bunch of other dinotards at karaoke.
i saw way too much penis for that to have been a funeral
Idk I'm drinking Sam Adams and wearing new balances so I'm basically a dad
Because of you I can never eat chicken nuggets without thinking of you fucking him. I hope youre happy. I really do.
Randomize
