Last night I broke through a door, was hospitialized, arrested, and threw my shoe at a bouncer. This summer is gonna be fuckin sick.
Text me right after you finish, I want to know how the ghetto fleshlight worked out
How about I just call you while I'm doing it so you can hear my reaction?
Omfg I am plowed. Had drinks with 3 milfs. Going out on their boat tomorrow. They want to show me how buoyant they are.
I found out he doesn't have a facebook, twitter, or myspace. So, I'm going to actually go to his house to spy on him.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
They threw a beer at you on stage and then you stopped the karaoke and cussed everyone in the bar out for 2 minutes
im swimming of confusion and bacardi. where do i go from herrrrrre
The neighborhood kids rang the doorbell in the middle of my first bong rip to ask if they could use my trampoline for the thirtieth time today...I opened the door and pretended to puke up a shitload of smoke, I have never seen a more terrified group of children
The last thing I remember was doing a line in the shape of Texas
He's gotta be able to drive a truck, make me mac n cheese and give me the best orgasms. That's my perfect man
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Out of control sex drive for a girl? I just masturbated in the bathroom at my in-laws house before dinner....
He kept telling me Te Amo last night. Over and over. And that he was scared. Drunkenly. In Spanish.
I don't want sex or anything I just really need someone to appreciate how shiny my hair is
Are you ok?
They gave me a cat until I fall asleep. His name is fluffy because he's fluffy.
He had Homeward Bound on VHS how was I supposed to not fuck him
How was your weekend?
My girlfriend decided the best way to get my mind off of my dog dying was to break up with me via text
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