the people of mcdonalds are all starring at me & this dude like they know we just slept together
i fell off the bed in the middle of it, and he yelled "5 second rule" and kept fucking me. i think im in love
i just woke up to 15 people singing a whole new world
you said you couldnt let go of the fence because your hand was molding to it.
i'm pretty sure i'm on the same train we took last friday..
what?how do you know?
it appears they have not cleaned up your vomit yet.
Just found a wrench in the washing machine. Sooo not doing your laundry anymore.
Just used my boobs as a ramp to guide ramen into my mouth.
Check out this gay circle: I've now hooked up with my ex-boyfriend, my ex's ex-boyfriend, my ex's ex-boyfriend's ex-boyfriend, and most recently my ex's ex-boyfriend's ex-boyfriend's ex-fling.
We now know how the night ended in arrest according to the flip camera I did 10 handle pulls and beer bonged a 40. My life choices are getting worse and worse this is your fault.
Dude, they're still mid-coitus. Pretty sure running in to high five my roommate mid-thrust is a mood-breaker.
Last time i was there we saw the window of the pizza place we were at get busted, we were pulled out of a taxi to be questioned by the cops, and we peed outside a waffle house. I'm in.
HIS DICK IS SO AWESOME DUDE. 15/10 SURPRISE
There's something empowering about being at dinner and sitting across the table from two men you've blown.
I feel like your boyfriend deserves to know that you're a lesbian.
I've been getting a lot of emails from patron lately for being a great customer. Is that awesome, or should I start thinking about seeking help?
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