So bad night, ended up beating off to porn and eating Keebler elf cookies.... at the same time :-(
She's 40ish and I couldn't wake her up with a stick of dynamite. My sheets are going to be covered in glitter lotion and smell like grape vodka and shattered dreams tomorrow.
Aren't divorce parties fun?
You and I have very different definitions of fun.
Im starting to realize why people dont masturbate while driving
So baked. Thought the twigs on the sidewalk were caterpillars with the ability to harden in self defense. Had to pick one up to be sure.
I made $300 today by selling pizza @ $4 a slice to nerds who refuse to leave the library. God I love finals time
we talked for like an hour, i feel like we really bonded. i mean i was simultaneously giving him head but you get the point.
I wonder if she thought to herself "I'm gonna sleep with that guy tonight" when she watched me puke on the bar at 3 in the afternoon?
If I should ask "why am I still single?" could someone please remind me of shooting mike and ikes out of my nose at the bartender last Saturday. many thanks
I go to a class slightly intoxicated and they bring in a baby. What a life.
You'll get a boner for sure
Way ahead of you. Kinda awkward while paying rent but hey
My head feels like a nest made of hair and cum
I'm really having trouble focusing on shark week with this erection
Sailor Jerry came over for the evening. It was a magical evening. I didn't even get puke in the house.
And then god smiled down upon me and he said let there be hangover food and let it be Wendy's
My relationship: I'm wearing batman panties and a tiara right now trying to get laid and he's doing dishes.
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