So I walked out of my room and there was my brother....standing naked
Stop trying to talk to my friends!!
then get some ugly ones...
Yeah, my mom walked in on us. Instead of yelling, she went and hid in the bathroom til we finished. It was pretty classy.
I dont think punching her boob is the type of reverse psychology that will get her to blow you.
They normally just get fucked up and see who can hold their hand on the exhaust the longest. It's great
did you really just refer to me me as an old fashioned penis?
I figured out that he lasts longer when I rap during sex. He made it all the way through "Love the Way you Lie"
My dog just threw up a condom. Sorry for accusing you of not wearing one, I found it now.
I just paid for weed by taking him to the store to buy cheese so he could make empanadas. Best. Drug deal. Ever.
IM NOT TALKING TO YOU UNTIL YOU MAKE A PROCLAMATION YOU LOVE ME MORE THAN TACOS
if you want to know how my night is going I just ugly cried in the cheesecake factory
I'm at that stage of drunk where just imagining having sex makes me motion sick.
90% sure the total babe I have been talking to all night has a kid. Ugh, so sad right now.
Im so high
Starting to realize that fucking everyone I come across isn't the most... "adult"... coping method.
I’m home. Please don’t call me unless you have an arterial bleed or you’re on fire. Love you 😘
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