He's marrying her, which means that she is his most important person in the world, so you gotta deal with it...okay?
I want to kish your cheek
My cheeks are in Michigan
Oh my lips are kind of stretchy
first i yelled "you cant get it up?" and then in the middle of it i opened a Corona
Don't really want to talk about it. You were right. She had a whole jar of toenail clippings on her nightstand that she chews on "when her fingernails are too short." Direct quote.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
just threw up into the cup of Gatorade I was hoping would settle my stomach. thanks again, alcohol.
I submitted an essay to my history teacher comparing changes in the middle ages to the song changes by David Bowie. I can't wait to see my grade on that.
Dude you should see the looks were getting for ordering a pitcher of beer with breakfast.
Hey, no judgement here...this is the girl that threw up on a box of kittens at the magician's house
Exactly. Some of us want to get married. And some of us want to wear sombreros and do cocaine. To each their own.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
6 tequila shots, 3 kamikazes and 1 rumplemintz.. The next day I puked in my office trash can while doing payroll. I may have to dock my own pay for lack of class.
I think pretend fucking a camel is a good thing to do downtown. They loved me.
Being single/not living at home sucks. All I want is someone I can force to pick up my pizza for me so I don't have to talk to anyone.
Maybe you can just make seal noises during sex and we can call it good
Thanks for the hospitality last night.
You mean sex?
Yes....hospitality.
anything below 65° is too cold to be naked on a roof
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