Wait. When you mean sick you mean a cold sick right ? not something else.
her vagina looked like a handful of raisins.
I swear, you have an app for that. "Attention: your boyfriend is pooping. Place call?"
apparently my insurance doesn't cover road head. Bummer.
If a young child walked up to you and grabbed your penis, you'd feel violated too.
i just woke up reverse cowgirl on my couch. fully clothed. my laptop is on the floor sideways. blasting gay porn and lady gaga. pizza crust everywhere. goodmorning.
high enough to want to lick peanut butter off of Michael Buble's vocal chords as he serenades me.
She face-timed me on the toilet. My dick is never going to recover from that.
Glad to know I rate above a cabbage on the parenting scale.
Best feeling in the world is getting a random boob pic from a drunk chick at 3 am.
The funny part was that the cop pulled us over cause the park was closed, not because I had just come up from giving the guy a blowjob when the cop drove by.
We were in his kitchen and she turned to me with a straight face and an avocado in her hand and said "Can we steal this?"
It isn't about the beer pong. It is about the destruction of the patriarchy.
What. The. Fuck.
You'll have to be more specific. I do a lot of "what the fuck" kind of stuff
It was funny for a while but 3 days later I still can't walk and I've constructed a diaper-like contraption to hold the ice pack on my vagina.
Randomize
