There is a man on the balcony beside me who claims he is a triceratops. He roared and asked me for a cigarette, telling me he'd eat me if I refused. I love college.
I told him I would sleep with him if he could name all the colors of the wind.
Please come pick me up? I sleep walked to planned parenthood again.
True. She actually gives a fuck. A quality looked down upon if she wants to be one of us
this is not okay. even my mom refers to me as a sorostitute.
No driving. The car is spinning. I am praying for mcdonalds.
I will not be a drunk bitch. I will not be a drunk bitch. Chanting this until it's second nature.
Drinking in moderation can be fun. Drinking in moderation can be fun. Chanting this until it becomes true.
you haven't really lived until you are in a situation where your vagina is hanging out
Besides the fact that the only male who has shown an interest in me in the last 5 months has a strange and unfortunate resemblance to fucking Frodo, I've been good thanks
I told this guy in the dining hall that he's a hippie god and he's never made eating yogurt so sexy
I couldn't find a lighter, so I smoked a bowl with a birthday candle.
if happy hour never ends, you’ll never have to eat kale
In retrospect, vomiting out of a moving vehicle on the third date should have been a deal breaker
just saw those girls we met the other night. i happen to be wearing a bunny suit and driving your smart car. i think its safe to say thats a no go situation.
Hey I know we haven't talked in a while, but I wanted to thank you for those m&ms you bought me for Christmas. Sorry I never got you anything then broke up with you.
Randomize
