In similar news, my cock is bigger than the plane that landed in the hudson.
I thought he was gonna sex me but then he ran to my bathroom and jerked off
i wish you could fill a pinata with booze
When I told my boss I'm using a vacation day for 4/20, he gave me his personal cell phone number and winked at me.
I just dropped my cookie in my glass of milk and looked at it for ten minutes. Thanks for telling me you made weed cookies.
I fell asleep on the table at Denny's. Told the waitress to wake me up when my burger was there.
Decided to go explore a half built apartment complex at 4 a.m and leave a 3 block obstacle course in the alley ways on the way home.
It took years to rebuild my brains forcefield against your charm and I feel like u seal team 6'd ur way in again and caught my common sense sleeping on post
We have 24 days left before I leave for college and 21 condoms left in the stockpile. Are you up for the challenge?
I rocked my own world, he was just a prop.
Where are you? We're in between the guy dressed as a giant inflatable penis and the Justin Bieber lookalike lesbians
Does the penis have a genital wart?
I just got hit on at the bar by a guy who used his mother as a wingman, she was pretty convincing. Only in Stratford.
I cant see straight, her clothes are all over my floor and I'm covered in bite marks... No I will not go to brunch with you
You did a cartwheel, it was terrible.
I remember that cartwheel, it was okay.
I'm starting to think that Cosmic Steve ripped me off
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