He sent me a video of himself jacking off. I am not kidding.
WTF??? Isn't he married??
Yeah but his wife is at a birthday party and I guess he's bored. LOL
Just spent 45mins blow drying a joint i dropped in a beer....i felt like i dropped his infant child....
craigslist faux pas number 857, just got head in a disability bus.
Im going to need an iv of taco bell after this.
took 4 advil with a shot of vodka, figure i'd try to save myself now
i just peed with my friends in your backyard... do you still live here
The moment you realize you should grow up: you're snorting your fathers percocet script with your old health insurance card, while your parents are on a 10 day cruise in the carribean...
I think they're German
Just say lederhosen and see what happens
She asked if I wanted to "Mormon Motorboat" her, which I guess is just motor-boating her through her cloths. Turns out I did.
"You can go raw dog up in me". Exact words. I can't decide whether to run, or fuck. Help.
I remember him going "OH SHIT" when he saw you straddling me on the table. And it was like the best feeling ever.
Just trying to get my dicks in a row.
I broke my heels and ended up on a random party bus where I passed out after a brief stripper pole incident.
my whole wardrobe smells like substance abuse
Pretty sure I got at least one girl to question her sexuality at the Christmas party last night
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