i scrubbed and i scrubbed and i scrubbed and i still was a whore
Wearing the BK Crown on the throne while dropping the kids off at the pool? Yes, one of my life's goals. Win
at what point did you see referring to the bartender as 'the white precious' a good idea??
STOP CALLING ME LADY CHLAMYDIA
Bought two parrots for us. I'm keeping them at the Bellagio.
I want to celebrate with you...
There's nothing I'd like more than a celebratory "The guy I'm doing just found out he's not a baby daddy" dinner.
THIS ISN'T WORKING THIS IS THE DRUNK LEADING THE DRUNK
I know everytime I get my paycheck I'm like "I should probably renew my gym membership" and then I just buy more alcohol
He took getting"shit in your neighbors hot tub drunk" way to literally
My signature move is making guys wonder why they bothered in the first place
I just can't do Wednesdays sober anymore
We went camping and met these lesbians and now I have S'mores where there shouldn't be S'mores.
So I remember having an orgasm, but I didn't wake up next to anyone. Your dog is afraid of me. Is this a sick joke?
Be careful, there is sex in the air.
ARE YOU FUCKING KIDDING ME! I SAID I WANTED SOMEONE CLASSY AND INSTEAD YOU SET ME UP WITH A GUY THAT JUST TOLD ME HIS FAVORITE PLACE TO FUCK IS ON HIS SWAMPBOAT “THE SLAMHOG!”
I DON’T WANT TO FUCK IN A SWAMP
First of all, his AIR boat is named “Slam Hog” not “The Slamhog.” Second, it’s top of the line. Third, don’t dismiss swamp sex before you try it!
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