YOU CAN MICROWAVE POPTARTS!?!??!
I kind of feel like BP. I'm dressed in green and absolutely horrible for the environment.
I should know better than to trust a man I've seen cry on multiple occasions to give me accurate sports information.
He offered to teach me how hula hoop in exchange for acid. I took him up on it.
She cracked her neck before the blowjob and I knew shit just got real.
They just keep looking funny at me. No one has attempted to tell me that I don't make sense though so maybe they're all way more high than I am.
We're having play-off hate sex for a sport I don't even understand. Go USA!
Fun times on public transportation. I just had a guy imply that I was racist cause I didn't want to talk to him when I was clearly reading my book and he was clearly on coke.
Just sitting here contemplating the meaning of life.
So you're drunk waiting for the bus.
I think getting right with the Lord should involve more than me and a bottle of tequila.
My phone autocorrected "shhhhh" to "AHHHHHHHHH" and I feel like that says a lot about my life
I'm pretty sure I went in the girls bathroom and vomited everywhere then looked for a urinal for like 20 minutes
You know more about his cock specs than his childhood. Proud of you
His birthday is on cinco de mayo and he doesn’t drink or like tacos. What a waste.
My boss walked into my office and gave me a toothbrush and tips for dealing with sex hair. She knows what’s up
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