Me too. I'd like to spend all next summer high and drunk and riding ponies and boys.
I just found little boats floating in my bathtub....they are made out of white castle boxes, condoms, pickles, and corks. All the wine we bought is being used as the "ocean"....clearly we didn't drink any of the wine.....but I don't remember doing this.
It's been a long time since I felt this bad on a Monday... and for that, I thank you.
There's a 24 hour period after giving head where you can't eat penis shaped food without me laughing at you
Have thirty minutes until my shift starts. My heart says liquor store but my future says no
The next time you try to involve a tickle me Elmo in my orgasm, I'm leaving you
Because of his penis, I can't even look at a hot dog
Okay do all 29 year olds have erectile dysfunction or just the two I've slept with?
You pretty much isn't said it
Those words don't go together.
We hit a golf ball off Brady's ass. His dignity flew away into the night.
DOMA is dead. I'm definitely going to be the last of our friends to get married now.
Got stiff armed by the garbage man on the back of the truck...I just wanted to ride one block dude
Well, while we went through airport security, I found out Mom got her clit pierced, so there's that.
I wore a bathing suit downtown so I didn't have to put on underwear, I obviously don't have my shit together
I got some blow and a hand job from one of the strippers. So I guess I'm getting over the divorce.
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