i felt like we were having sex on ultimate fighter, and people on the outside kept yelling ELBOW ELBOW! KNEES KNEES!
mark tries to be a total badass to make up for the fact that he's a poor man's pete wentz
We hadn't had sex in so long that I started queefing and then I couldn't stop giggling... I think he's mad.
I just realized that I'm gonna have to lower my standards if I want random head.
I've been alternating between telling people I was mauled by a bear or hit by a car to explain the massive unexplainable bruise on my leg. Slightly more worried now that the car idea is believable.
you were wearing a pair of wings and handing out McDonalds apple pies, if anyone refers to you as the "Rave Fairy" you now know why.
THIS EXPLAINS SO MUCH.
it doesn't matter, he's just a life support system for his dick
you were crying saying "if you love me you will find me a loaf of bread"
it's ok, no one ever died fom being sticky.
i've gotta research that and get back to you.
We literally solved our fight using cat pictures on Instagram. True love.
Not sure what happened last night, but I woke up without a shirt on and cereal glued to my boobs...
like when you break up with someone your virginity slowly starts to grow back & when it's done it's like ding ding ding you're ready to date again
Grateful to be alive soliciting dick pics. Thankful i'm alive for these little things and especially these big ones too.
I just realized it's officially fall..I had sex while watching Halloween
I’m honestly just flattered that you think I could make PornHub’s Top 10.
Randomize
