I just spent my lunch hour driving around campus yelling "TRADE LIVES WITH ME!" to all the freshmen moving in
You picked me up and threw me on a barstool and shoved shots in front of me.
Thats like the definition of a good friend
We had sex in front of Notre Dame Cathedral, but I lost my wallet. God giveth and God taketh away.
no i had to finish in the bathroom to a pic of her mom in a bikini.
With your fertility you would just get contact pregnant
I'm so hungover all I can do is stare at my curser and hope it starts moving on its own
Getting a vibrator would be like waving the white flag of surrender in this war against my vagina and its hormone army.
It's 4/20 of course I'm going to smoke in the portapotty and be ripped outta my mind at the lung cancer walk.
I mean, that's eating your cake and fucking it too.
Your father is wrapped in a table cloth singing, "America Fuck Yeah!" You are missing the time of your life.
I don't go out. I live in my room watching Bridget Jones and thanking my vibrator for existing.
Well I had to use a seat cushion at Soul Cycle today so, yeah, I'd say the sex was good
I'm at that stage of drunk where just imagining having sex makes me motion sick.
She stripped naked and ran around the outside of the house while I stood by the tent holding her clothes shouting "come back" because I was too drunk to chase her. This is why we can't have nice things.
aloe plants are like gummy bears with an exoskeleton, but with healing powers instead of deliciousness.
are you on the drugs???
Randomize
