I have a client coming in and there's a note that says she wants her hair to like Elisabeth Hasselback's from the view
that's Oklahoma for you
apparently it's okay for him to stick his dick in my mouth but not to let me have a can of diet pepsi for the road.
Women are like Alzheimers patiens. You can compliment them a million times in a day, but the next day is always a wash, you have to start all over.
since we're both too lazy to go to each others house, you drink there, i'll drink here and we'll skype. it's the same thing.
I'm at the casino and some dude apparently has money in an entire row of slot machines. Its like watching a really intense adult version of wack a mole
Just witnessed a circumcision at clinical. i suddenly feel a sense of reconciliation over every guy who's done me dirty...
ASS. GYMANSTICS. OLYMPICS. NOW!!!
While looking for socks, I found my mothers sex toy box. Dear god I finally understand where my kinkiness comes from.
I was like a migrating bird last night. Navigating on pure instinct. Don't remember how... but I made it home.
Someone snapchat me a pic of you topless laying on the bar with Scotty pouring a bottle of tequila down your throat. IT'S NOT EVEN ELEVEN YET.
School starts next week
I couldn't fall back asleep it was too bright so I just took my sports bra off and put it over my eyes
That pizza at 1 am literally tasted like I was eating an angel
the worst fight me and my gf ever had was over Guy fieri
I just puke and rallied at my anniversary dinner #winning
THERE IS A DOG IN THE CLUB. I repeat a dog in the club. I might have laid down and petted it..I have no shame.
Randomize
