i was born a porn star she said
I thought smoking would make her look better, but all it did was enlighten me to her snaggletooth
Sounds like a blessing in disguise
Going to get tested monday. You're coming with. Bonding time, slut style.
he met me at the airport with a welcome home sign with a grilled cheese, PBR and a blow job on it. i missed america.
Why have they been driving around the block for the past 30 min?
He told her it was international road head day.
For some reason there are two like 10 year old black girls crumping at the bar. I feel like I'm in a missy elliot video.
In all seriousness, if tomorrow night becomes a heated game of Which Ex Gets To Take The Plastered Birthday Girl Home, I'm going to bow out with my integrity intact.
I let a guy with dreads drive my car, then demanded he take me back cause I don't let strangers drive my car, while repeatedly apologizing for being a cock block.
This body was not built to go to the gym. It was built to chain smoke cigarettes and shoot whiskey
my pupils became my eyes and i slept with a cloth in my mouth again
I may have played more drinking games with my family this last week than all of freshman year...
I am coping with the snow storm with beer and shots of jack. If I were outside in shorts I might be able to pass as a Canadian.
I HAVE PIZZA MONEY AT ALL TIMES IT'S CALL EMERGENCY PLANNING
this is the last time i am going to a 7am booty call
dude, there is no doorman in your lobby and the front door is locked
oh yeah, sorry he's up here at the party. coming now
Randomize
