ok plan lets look hot and dance like whores.
it was terrible. i could've done a better job by myself.
If he can handle my muffin top then I can handle his front teeth.
If there was chocolate on Regis Philban's dick, I would totally lick it off. That's how desperate I am for some right now.
I almost caused an explosion; It's okay though. because everyone would have died having a good time.
I just spent the last ten minutes making a timeline of my sex life. 2010 and 2011 I am calling "I can't believe Im still clean" years.
I woke up to find his roommate face down on the couch with no pants on, with a sticky note that said "was lost but now am found"
She invited me to Bikini Yoga with her friends. Sounds promising.
WTF moment this morning: we were getting ready to leave and he reaches under his mattress to pull out his gun. All I could do was look at him and go "really?!"
That was years ago. And it was chlamydia.
When I came out of the bathroom you were naked dead asleep on the couch but your dick was still rock hard standing straight up. I almost took a pic. It was impressive.
Conversations really do change when your social worker had your dick in her mouth the other night.
Sorry about you walking in on the whole nude kinect dancing. The new roomie was drunk and naked and told us he was either over dressed or we were under dressed for the party. And Amy figured it would be easier to join him than it would be to dress him
He's honking my boob in his sleep
It's innocent and endearing in some way
My ex is stopping by while he’s working tonight after delivering a pizza to fuck me, then going back to work at Pizza Hut. This is what my life has become.
Randomize
