take the plastic off of my new air freshener and i'm not going to eat you out for a month.
I've decided I'm just gonna keep drinking til the baby bump shows...
someone just sent me a bong wrapped in christmas paper in the mail. signed 'santa'.
You were fucking on a porch at a party, not much privacy should be expected
when life gives you lemons, puke and rally.
You know why nobody comes up with Sober October? Other than it's Oktoberfest? Because Sober October doesn't benefit anyone, just like your judgment isn't benefiting me. I'll talk to you in November. Unless you make up another alcoholless month.
The jerky fairy visited my fridge. It's glorious.
You had the nerve to crowd surf to your own bedroom.. I guess watching Aladdin high was probably the best idea ever
They just showed up to the party with a shopping cart full stolen of naty ice cans, no boxes, just cans. Shit just got real !
So I feel like I should have had a going away party for your dick. Complete with balloons and cake. Yeahh that's right. I'm gonna miss it.
My father is flirting with a transexual server at hamburger mary's. We can never tell him.
Drinking a grey goose and water in a random chair that I found by the road by myself
So there's that.
I'm upset for all the future generations who can't drunkenly get cheesy bread
I love him about as much as I'd love fucking myself with a cactus.
Okay she just told me to turn the volume down on the fan. What does this even mean?
Randomize
