Last night this chick queefed when I was going down on her. Thinking if you! xo
he referred to my room as the tit cave...
you were sitting on my toliet with a double cheesburger in your hand asking me how the cheeseburger even got there.
You came on your own forehead. Just wanted to remind you that.
You kicked in the door when she was blowing him. You dont remember do you?
I woke up to a bag of pies and a lot of questions
Yes, but it's not new to me. It's like every time a new guy finds out I'm a squirter it's a novelty so they make me squirt and squirt and squirt until their bed is completely soaked. And then afterwards they complain that there isn't a dry bit to sleep on. No shit Sherlock.
she just called me the flavor packet to her ramen noodles. get me the fuck out of here.
When God was sprinkling self control to everybody, he ran out and was like ehhhh she'll make it!
I'm scared to touch anything in this apartment. Even the ceiling.
Rule #36, branched off rule 4: Dave stays on a leash in crazy settings. It keeps him good and gets you laid.
So essentially he's like a puppy you can bring to a bar? Retractable leash or chain then?
I have really important information for you regarding the furry convention this weekend
He left a fire sauce packet from taco bell that said "promise you'll text me in the morning" on my nightstand.
So we were fooling around last night and suddenly Like A Virgin popped up on his itunes
OMG haha What did he say?
He told me that if I laughed, I would have to leave.
You ran full speed into the glass door with your Patron and yelled "FEEL THE RHYTHM, FEEL THE RHYME"
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