he whispered in my ear that he would be upstairs and i should come up. i stayed downstairs. he came back down and repeated to whisper in my ear. this happened about 5 times until he passed out.
I can't, I'm busy. I've been walking around Tokyo on google maps for an hour.
At least our walk of shames never included a bag of chips and a jar of queso..
just drunkenly made mashed potatoes at midnight. what have you done for your calorie intake lately?
Escorted a stripper to her car last night,and all I got was a "Thanks" and "Go Steelers."
its likemy ribs anf my hesrt aew cuddlingn
Drunkasaurus has found a new cave to eat all the children she captured
I need to get you away from Bacardi 151 and out from under the bed
When we were done making out, some guy ran into the room yelling, "I'll save you Brandon! I'll save you!"
That girl from the bar sent me a text saying that she wants to wear my cock as a hat. A cock hat. Is that good or bad?
It's all a blur. I just remember holding some strangers baby
Yah. Thai people are way too trusting
I either have a razor blade lodged in my throat or I've been drinking entirely too much Evan Williams.
My legs r really sober for running now
I don't think that's how sobriety works.
My sex toys have been held in customs for almost a month now. They're British, what the hell?!?
Bro.. I am absolutely going to have sex with our old middle school health teacher
Yup we found her. The bouncer was carrying her out
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