Dude, no joke... I lost my wedding ring in some skank last night
Hope the move went well! I'll miss you!
you are a cunt and I hated living with you and your skeezy boyfriend.Just thought I'd get that out there.
I read the police report. You asked the cop if you could use his in-car computer to update your facebook. No way you get out of a DUI.
Do you think Tom Brady went home tonight and changed his facebook status to "pink with lace"?
It would be been irresponsible not to make cleaning the apartment into a drinking game
i think this is the gayest thing you've ever shown me. and i'm pretty sure you've sent me pictures of a dude sticking his dick in a horse's nose.
You tried to initiate "Occupy McDonald's" when the cashier didn't give you enough ketchup.
How is there no taco emoji?! That's some bullshit.
She took her panties off, then farted in my general direction. I guess we're at that stage in our relationship.
We're the worst. Two people without their shit together do not make a functional adult.
Ran up to the dollar store to get batteries for my vibrator. Happy Valentines Day!
I swear, I make more use of my creative writing major with sexting than I do with anything else
He has no idea I'm scrolling through Instagram while he's going down on me. I'm so bored.
im shaving my vagina and listening to frank sinatra, im coming over after
St. Patty's shenanigans tmrw? I wanna meet dudes lol. Why stop at coronavirus when you can get the clap, too?
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