True or false: I did not bring home a 28 year old last night.
True? Did she teach you things?
She taught me the meaning of awkward goodbyes at 530 am.
I am the poster child for what not to do during sex. Soon they will be calling an undesired position after me
ASIANS HAVE SEX TOO!! I just watched it happen in the library.
i told you he always needs adult supervision he just tazered himself
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I was wondering if I fell or perhaps got hit by a truck, then I remembered, it's cause I did a splits contest at the bar
Don't ask me how or why, but I'm drunk with German diplomats. Come over. Now
so the photographer said "let's get a picture of the cousins" so we posed together, and then he said " lets get a picture of the couples" So we posed together.
I mean you can't really blame him. He's named after whiskey and I don't get along with pants.
i woke up this morning and saw her in my bed and i said to myself, I think I might have a drinking problem.
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I found out my butt plug has a metal core at the airport security checkpoint...
I think I just pulled an onion peel off my boob from sleeping on their kitchen floor
Hi you snuggled with me in my bed in a maid outfit
I shaved my balls for you. Do you have any idea how hard that is?
what food is Colorado known for?
Pot brownies.
There's a video of you almost falling asleep in a bar stool listening to Jimmy Buffett. Nekkid.
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