Don't you send me to vm
Stars make me really horny. Especially that shiny one its just staring at me.
He came all over my face... then said "YOU HAVE BEEN ROBBED!"
What's this douchebags name?
Rob...
I don't appreciate you drunk dressing passed-out me in spandex for bed
It's a gift. Kind of like morning wood in my brain.
I woke up with a half eaten bag of lettuce in my hand, wearing my Halloween costume from last year. Damn you tequila.
Fuckers are stealing our internet and making my porn stream slowly so I changed the password for VanceRefrigeration to RyansaCunt. No spaces but capitalization.
Clearly my hormones are sending beaming lights to every penis in the area
Also, as my manager i'm going to put you in charge of making sure i don't drown.
Everyone heard you scream that I was to be naked, in your bed in 5 minutes. We were one hell of a shitshow spectacle
There is a reason my most meaningful relationship since 2012 has been with Duracel...
i just sneezed the second i jizzed and it got in my eye. words can't describe how much i hate life right now.
They think I fractured my spine while doing your cousin on concrete.
I told my mom that I might be hungover today so she needs to make me an omelet.. it happened and I'm happy
St. Patty's shenanigans tmrw? I wanna meet dudes lol. Why stop at coronavirus when you can get the clap, too?
Randomize
