I'm really into asian looking animals
i've lived in the woods for so long, as long as its post-op, i don't care.
Woke up wearing just a scarf, the holidays are definetly here
Im forcing mysellf to pee so i can fit more margaritas in me...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
My biology professor just used the phrase "dick fairy" in a sentence. No, it didn't make more sense in context.
The two guys from next door helped him do a backflip. The ended up throwing him halfway through a ceiling tile. Don't worry, we fixed it with duct tape.
She told me my dick looked like a baby seal wrapped in a sleeping bag.
I'm in a bed full of sand, and also just took my contacts out. Whatever happened yesterday was great, I think.
Dude, did you really "knight me" and tell me I had permission to bang your sister last night?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I think our prof has caught onto our drinking game. He burst into the room with a big smile on his face and yelled "essentially! Essentially! Essentially!"
They just built a gym in the same parking lot as my favorite bar. Drunk me is gonna be so excited.
Woke up with chlamydia and a bruised rib. I'd say my boss is gonna be mad about me not showing up to work, except you know.. it's her fault.
he left a full can of coors light underneath my windshield wiper, like a love note. if that's not husband material, i don't know what is
He is a sweet angel sent from dick heaven!
Partying with my eighth grade history teacher I know you're jealous
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