wrigley field is MILF paradise
I'm not trying to go crazy tonight either. I just want to go out, have a few drinks, meet up with my ex-boyfriend and get fingered or something.
How long does it take to cook a corndog over a candle?
You almost make it sound as if getting an education to further your career is more important than beer and tacos.
I don’t know what's weirder; the fact that I weigh more with an erection..or the fact that I actually weighed myself with an erection...
Waking up to find your mom holding your birth control pills and telling you I suggest you take this
I don't even know man. I was to busy having beer showered on me and grabbing some balls
He said he would pay my bar tab if he couldn't answer my question. He lost to the age old question of our youth. Why did pogs go out of style.
We lost our room key and found it in his pocket with 3 pieces of fish.
Hey my vagina is like a company. Everyone has an equal opportunity....
Bitch guess who just got a fucking taser
I WOULD SERIOUSLY RECOMMEND THE SHIT THAT I AM ON RIGHT NOW
He texted me "sup", so I sent him that gif of the surprised guy and apparently it offended him
I can’t believe you’re letting her use the Mercedes
It seemed like a better idea while she was giving me a hand job. It’s a good thing we weren’t having sex. Who knows what I would agree to during sex
I WILL go to space. And if we find aliens I WILL fuck one. It’s the Marine Corps way
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