I don't think you know how difficult it is to pee in poncho..
tequila makes my crab dance SOOOO much better
His sex texting was like a step by step guide to the most boring sex ever...
I'm stoned in an empty parking lot listening to dave matthews while looking for a lighter.... I feel like I sent this 7 years ago.
We thought we had lost her until we found her in the bushes a block away singing "Jingle Bells".
It was huge And he was twirling it around. Im telling you, beautiful wonderpenis
Its ok. I handled the situation with grace and class. lol jk i got shitfaced and fucked his roomate.
I wonder if our vaginas are like "o thank god, no strangers breaking in tonight." Baahhhh sooo bad
Things are burning & the world smells of peanut butter. It's beautiful.
Okay well we need to be adults. We're gonna end up with diabetes or some shit.
He just walked in the house and decided to wake everyone up by yelling "I SHIT MYSELF!" We all thought he was joking....we were all wrong.
Just licked cheese from my hot pocket off my phone. I spilled because I was eating a Popsicle at the same time. Send an adult please
Guy in my class today said, "I'm pretty sure you think about beer 95% of the time."
He just got really stoned and kept complementing my ponytail
Sorry, i'm on a strict diet of vodka and regret
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