Nevermine. I'm just going to tell you on Myspace with a glitter graphic.
you left your dildo in my car
rules of finders keepers apply
after we finished he farted and said 'i've been holding that one in'
he doesn't care that i have a boyfriend so why should i?
logic in its finest
Just saw some airport workers running through the terminal with liquor bottles. That's my kind of emergency.
Hangover cure: shower, throw up again, sleep for 4 hours, eat salsa, brush teeth. Good to go.
I just walked by a party bus on my way to study. God hates me.
I come back into the room and you're grinding with the person in the mascot suit.
I'll probably just lay on my couch bra-less sipping wine out of a straw so I don't have to lift my head.
You called me 32 times last night just to tell me you felt a heartbeat in your vagina?
Pretty sure the cab driver can even smell the sex coming from between my legs
Hey he's not bad, although he did have a glass eye
This is possibly the most humiliating moment of my life. I have diarrhea, in a port-a-potty, at the Renaissance Festival.
I just used the proceeds from selling my ex's engagement ring to fund my first date with another girl.
I'm really busy with my period
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