So why didn't Edward and the Cullens just kill Hitler?
You need to stop watching Twilight.
Dude if you're in another zip code it doesn't count
You don't understand. I'm not like you.
How do 1 in 4 women misread a pregnancy test; how stupid are women?
there was a guy here who managed to get his head stuck in a fishbowl. no, I don't fuckin know how
I woke up this morning with 2 australian chicks passed out in my living room, a whole bunch of coke on my kitchen counter and I have no idea how the fuck either thing got there
i left after you tried to balance a shot of tequila on your head while screaming at the bar tender that you fucked his girlfriend
Depending upon how the Sox game progresses, I'll either cry on the bar or fuck someone tonight...
THERE IS A GOAT THERE IS A GOAT IN MY BED IT IS EATING MY THONG WHAT DID YOU DO
I just realized that the thing that smelled like an electrical fire in my house was me.
So last night I kicked a beer can off of a frat guys head and it nailed one of my sisters in the face. Think i'll be brought up on standards?
Buffalo PD walked in my bedroom this morning at 7 am. Was still blackout drunk, fully dressed, Steak Out wrapper on the floor, parking meter on the floor of the bar room. 'Both of your doors were wide open, wanted to make sure no one was robbing you.' Then I made a pass at her.
I don't remember that much at all. But I guess I met this guy from New Zealand and his dog, and then I punched someone in the face.
he was really really nice, and I did coke off of his dong that night too
you thought the best thing to say to him was "you aint no fuckin cop"
I just had a mini meltdown cause I thought they forgot to put the cheese packet in my mac and cheese. I'm having an awful week.
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