you're out of your mind
you look like daphne blake and he looks like fozzie bear
it's like he rubbed a lamp and wished you into existence
I really need to learn how to handle sexual advances from older women
I wish I had your problem
we made out inside of a kiddie slide for about 20 mins. it was the sexiest, most suffocating experience I've ever had
every time i wear that dress i get kicked out of a bar.
on a related note, did you know that the fire alarm in our apartment talks?
I assume you will show your seat mates your vibrating cock ring.
Who the hell poured a whole pouch of Capri Sun down my throat last night?
I think the camel was justified in biting me.
We spent a good 10 minutes in the morning looking for my clothes. I ended up taking the bus home in my 6inch heels and his baggy t-shirt. The bus was filled with kids... one of them whistled at me.
I recorded his orgasm, set it as his ringtone, and called him while they were singing happy birthday to his mom. Yeah, revenge is sweet.
your house isnt even gonna be on google maps after this party
I feel you. We can get adjoining rooms. It'll be like Disney world, but with drugs and ivs instead of roller coasters and Mickey Mouse.
Which is way cooler
I appreciate the fact that you sent me a snapchat of your dick soaking in a cup of water.
I knew I no longer wanted to bone him when he put the Grease soundtrack on as "mood music", no guy looks attractive singing and dancing to greased lightning naked.
My manager is trying to help me find a good career path, and I'm trying to find a professional way to tell him I just wanna smoke and fuck.
Randomize
