What would you say if someone told you they liked your lips?
Which ones?
i'm sure there's a big cosmic reason for things working out the way they did. like, now you have awesome images to masturbate to.
hammered. By myself. Accident. Faillll. Snowwwwwy
It's been over a month and I still can't find the bra I wore out on new years eve.
Do you ever just think "I could really go for a good 30 minute blowjob". I do. Everytime jill smiles.
I walked into the garage and you were telling the bikes that you were not that drunk.
All I did was present the dick. You did the work. That's like thanking the pencil for a test you got an A on.
Snorting lines of xanex off the back of my grandparents toilet before church. Thinking of u.
just letting you know that jen either: wasn't feeling well and ate grass to make herself throw up or threw up because she's stupid and ate grass
If I EVER think it's a good idea to blow someone who just showed me their synchronized swimming performance on youtube again please correct me immediately.
I'm eating lunchables with a glass of wine while I FaceTime the guy I lost my virginity to.
Woke up with a squirrel in my bed, how was your night?
I can get something to clone your cock for $40. It's worth it. It's my birthday present to myself.
OMG I CAN GET A GLOW-IN-THE-DARK ONE
How do you teach a grown ass men how to fuck? Why is good sex so hard to find these days?
really enjoying the fact I don't remember how the staff party ended. feel like I need to shame drink today
feel at noon?
Randomize
