I think I kinda wanna bone that ginger from Harry Potter.
You literally just made my flesh crawl.
I don't think its a good idea if I moon a whole bar again
i woke up at 5 am and found myself wrapped in christmas lights that were plugged into the wall.
My bosses just told me they met their wives on one night stands. I'm stoked.
just explained the breakup in detail to my big toes. that consolation brownie was Amazing.
Tried to eat a chip. Mouth wouldn't cooperate. Nearly died. Wow I've missed this.
I need you to stand in the corner and ref this threesome. Wear stripes.
What should I wear?
Uhhhhh...idk? it's a gay bar
I found something that says "i'm here to party, but not fuck guys."
Hahah what did you even say to him?!
That I was gonna inflate his vagina with a leaf blower?
Oh.
I might have beaten my fastest all time record going from "I really really like this girl" to "fuck that bitch"
Nothing worse then being at the gym on the elliptical next to a guy looking at porn on his phone
No you don't understand. This tree is really alive. Like in Pocahontas.
I convinced her that there were two p's in Chipotle - the 2nd one was silent.
I accidentally sent my dad a very explicit Star Wars fanfiction and he replied with "That was great!"
I am drunk and aggressive about the olympixs
It's spelled Olympics
Randomize
