I threw up so much beer last night that my puke had a nice head on it.
The mexican place next the the funeral home has dollar margaritas, our grandfather would want us to act on this... trust me i know.
your brother is wearing shin guards in the swimming pool. i have a feeling that this happens often
Maybe if i steal enough bar glasses i can justify all the money spent i've spent there
He leaned out the window to puke right as the fan for the ac turned on. All of it blew back up into his face.
Post-sex chicken soup was such a good idea. It's been like an hour and I'm still applauding myself
On 3 separate occasions, she grabbed my bullhorn to announce to the entire party she had fucked me.
What can I say? I like my food like I like my women, not entirely fucked by our contemporary world.
This conversation has now reached a level of awkward that even a passerby streaking hobo couldn't break.
You need to come back and help me drink our beer so the fridge has room for the other beers
I also just told a guy I was available for counseling in case he needed to 'bang' things out. I've become a monster.
Still breathing?
Still breathing , but quite out of it. I think I hallucinated like 20 action sequences.
What.
No more morning sex. Just for once, my vagina would like to go to work bone-dry and bone-free.
It’s a hundred kinds of wrong to do Jell-O shots at home alone. Right?
I support drinking alone. But Jell-O shots. That’s a game changer.
Don’t listen to me, I’m walking around wearing nothing but rave bracelets and headphones shouting “yeeeeaaahhhhhh”
Randomize
