The guy I fucked in the port a poty just called me and asked me on a date!
No he was cute and I said yes!
seagrams + popov + pineapple + milk. there, ur search for worlds worst drink is over. you're welcome
why does being broke make me substitute dinner for vodka, Xanax, and two day old cupcakes? I don't like being fat, jittery and drunk.
Fact: my bamboo plant has grown 2 & 1/2 inches since I started watering it with bong water
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm thinking I had intended to send you pics cuz I woke up naked
I'm drinking straight vodka and railing lines of adderall while writing a paper about the nature of Jesus. It's 6:50 in the morning. College.
This weekend I was almost blinded by a cumshot to the eye, so happy Labor Day I guess
I just turned down the best booty call of my life because I have to make a cheesecake. I guess this is growing up.
Only thing exciting about him was his dick.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
How do you politely tell someone to get out of your house in Russian
Would it be totally wrong, that in honor of princess leias death, I role played as her??
I think I found my saving grace in the form of a beard at the bar.
Hey what are you up to?
I am wear the people with the mustaches live. I have found their home.
DUDE, WE BOUGHT THE ACID TOGETHER.
Nope. Im a prince of the americas. I treat my women like future queens. Also, im drunk watching the royal wedding
Yep. Just fucked a 34 year old on the football field where we both went to high school. That's a story for the grandkids.