Honestly I wish you never came into my life. I know I don't want you. But I keep trying to get you back bc of the memories
I don't see you I see the memories. All the time
so how much must it suck for him to know that the penis of his best man has been in his wife's mouth before?
I just saw the nastiest chick.
Where?
woke up next to her... fuck you jack daniels, fuck you
Were not really friends so much as I suck his dick a lot
Hey, you guys have all had chicken pox, right?
I ate 12 cupcakes in less than 24 hours, so no judgement here.
I was giving this guy head and he stopped me to look me in the eyes and say "you have a gift"
Every bathroom has like throw up and like bagels in it. Richie didn't even have bagels.
I could drive to your house and kick you in the nuts right now....and not even stop for a burrito
I mean, I already saw his dick in person and wasn't impressed so why is he sending me a picture of it, anyway? I hate re-runs!
His dog ate the vibrator. The WHOLE vibrator. We spend the morning after trying to make it vomit up the battery. Why does this always happen to me?
That reminds me of the morning I woke up on the sidewalk covered in chicken wings
We left him in some bushes a few blocks down toward campus. Did he find his way home?
I'm sober now, I ate a whole cantaloupe.
Just realized I've spent more nights sleeping on bathroom floors the last two weeks than in my own bed. It's time to reevaluate my life.
Randomize
