I can't disclose who, but one time I called someone, they didn't pick up, and immediately texted back 'will call later, masturbating'
I thought that was really considerate
are u sure the monkey wasnt drunk too
You flung your panties at that guy you liked with an accuracy that I have never seen before.
my little brother just caught me blowing my step cousin in the lobby bathroom at our family reunion
For the millionth time in his career, Brett Favre has screwed over the Vikings
i lost my life and panties somewhere between the 15th and 16th round of slap the bag.
And then he used the flashlight app to illuminate me giving him head. Thanks IPhone
Do you think royal wedding drunk calls for wine or tequila?
How do you not remember?? She kept putting a dollar on her waistband and insisting it was all you can eat under a dollar
No we just stood in the kitchen and laughed for 2 hours about how funny the popcorn noise was.
I'm a gay man planning my brothers bachelor party, and he choose someone else to be his best man. I hope they like appltinis and gay clubs. Bastard.
Just saw a woman trying to order Mcdonalds at a trash can. God bless America.
FACE TIME HER WHILE YOU GUYS BANG
I only have one kid whom I wish to hit in the face with an active jackhammer. How's work?
Ate a live seahorse, then tried to order a nacho bell grande from an ATM.
How the fuck do you get to keep practicing as a Nurse.
Randomize
