Reflecting on last night, I'm not sure if making out with a 43 y/o married woman at Bernie's after the Cubs game was my best life decision...
i never thought i'd have to say "please stop having sex on me"
wow.
yeah, it was that bad.
i want to have as much fun as i did last weekend. but plus the condom and minus the fear.
You don't forget tits like those, even if you are vegas drunk.
I sleep with the gay men, they no longer have questions about their sexuality. No strings attached at it's finest and i get new shopping buddies out if it. It really is a win win situation.
You are my idol.
Yeah well tell that to drunk me. She seems to have no standards or gender preference.
You're welcome to join, but just to warn you, tequila makes my clothes disappear. And I'm telling you that as an adult to an adult, not as your supervising teacher who decides whether or not you graduate.
Well, I'm at the grocery store wondering whether I exist or not.
Today's forecast: A sex tornado warning has been issued in your area. Counties affected include your bed, your shower, or your couch. This warning is in effect until further notice. Signs of a sex tornado include: your girlfriend coming up with a huge analogy to inform you that she's ungodly horny today.
Why do you need me to cover for work?
I wouldn't say NEED but lets just say I smell like guacamole and semen.
Mom just referred to a 9 year old as "this bitch", so I'd say day drinking was a success.
We need to get stoned and watch Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles 2. This has become a priority. Schedule accordingly.
I'm counting my small victories this morning. For instance, I haven't puked at work yet.
I know. It was just so disappointing. I almost made it. And now the "when's the last time you peed your pants" clock has restarted. Lol
I knew it was love when he told me he wants to see me have multiple orgasms in one night
Randomize