why doesnt he love me? i have tried everything. i even sang to him after sex.
you have got to be kidding?
you kept calling numbers in ur phone book and saying, "I love your show, I'm a long time listener, first time caller."
just fed a duck at the lake a weed brownie. it hasnt moved in 20 minutes.
This whole living in Ohio thing is getting reaaaaallly old.
she peed. on the sidewalk. it is 2 pm. Help.
It's alright she couldn't hear you. Her legs were over her ears
I remembered to bring wine in a nalgene bottle, but I forgot sunscreen and water. I'm starting to question my life decisions.
He can spot Burberry from half a bar away. He's not into vag
I fell into his fridge. I want to leave.
Wanna shave the hair on my back? If you're offended I was joking, if not I'll bring booze and maybe you can do other regions too.
He facetimed with his son when he was still inside of me. If that's not a dedicated dad I don't know what is
I swear, I make more use of my creative writing major with sexting than I do with anything else
I just want to be like "i dont know you but ive seen your penis & i like it"
So someone just asked us for our kidneys?!?
I will literally have glitter in my crotch for weeks.
Randomize
