She made a list of the things each of us had done wrong and assigned a point system. Guess who came out the loser?
So...i'm having a drinking contest, my right hand vs my left, i have a feeling the 24 pack is gonna win
I just took a shit in a BP station. It seemed appropriate since they are shtting in our ocean.
getting kicked in the face by someone doing a keg stand. just my luck
I was high and he had on a gorilla suit. Of course I had to take a picture with him
Your a disgrace to smokers everywhere
The bar has bullet holes in the ceiling, and the country singer had been playing drunken weezer covers. A man just bought me a beer on the grounds that I 'have his back' in a fist fight with a stranger texan. And, yes, the bartender is wearing a sherif's badge
Shitty. Well if it makes you feel any better I just had a toothless wasted crackhead in my bar who was mad because there are TOO MANY FUCKIN TREES in Nantucket.
It's gotten to the point that when I close my eyes to cum all I see is candy crush
I just found a To Do list on the table, written by me last night, that just says "1. Go downstairs. 2. Get Pickles. 3. Laptop"
Apparently I had 2 bloody noses and after my sis put me to bed at the hotel, I escaped and my sister's friend found me in an elevator with some guy
The fact that you screamed, "Alf is my spirit animal!" is proof enough that we're too old for peyote.
somehow I wound up on the floor crying about his beard. then telling everyone I'd give him a "lesbian blowjob".
If you find out what that means, show me.
you don't need to worry about using proper grammar if you're asking for the size of his dick.
Theres a free llama on craigslist. Are you in or are you in?
he put a condom on for a handjob WTF
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