thank god he doesn't hang out with everyone else i've had sex with
well, yeah, he can't fit the whole neighborhood in his apartment
i have a feeling he has a nice dick. i can just sense it.
I hid 4 bags of cocaine in your house. Have fun finding them
God gave me these boobs for a reason other than for people to throw things down them.
Dude...disintegrating condoms. Think about it. For all the guys that wanna go raw dog but their girls won't let them, and for the girls that wanna get pregnant but their guys don't want a kid. What do you think?
I think you've been hitting the soco too hard again.
I mean what are real friends for if they won't hold down your wedding dress to allow for a keg stand
The mass text at 3:12AM offering "free scrotum tastings" will have repercussions
this weekend destroyed me...my brain feels like the curly fry at the bottom of the bag. GAhhh come save me
that's ecstasy for ya. now I'm kinda in the mood for jack in the box.
He's dressed as a power ranger handing out cocaine
No he exists. Who else tells me no matter how drunk I am to pull out. He's watching over me so my bastard doesn't get created.
In the pictures there's a flower in my hair and also a lobster, I need those things explained
Nothing says Merry Christmas like gifting a bottle of rum and finishing it yourself then leaning over at the dinner table to puke it back up.
We were drunk waiting for tacos and I gave him a handy in the back of the Uber while giving the driver relationship advice. I think I'm handling the whole grad school thing alright.
honestly performing my own hysterectomy would hurt less than my cramps right now.
You poured all their beer into ziploc baggies so it would be "better on the go"
Randomize
