sorry I missed your bday party.,I was vid chatting with that new guy I'm talking to all night...happy biirthday though
When the phrase "Wow your huge" came out of her mouth I knew it was gonna be a good night.
Just used the D.E.N.N.I.S system successfully.
Puked in a plastic neiman Marcus bag while driving. My biggest accomplishment yet
stop bragging. last time i got laid i got double pink eye, and it was so not worth it
I think you'll appreciae more than anyone that I'm renting my parking spot out for a half gallon of vodka a month.
You should have seen her, she looked like a skinny Jabba The Hutt
That literally makes no sense
Exactly
Mid way while flirting with this super hot chick at the bar, he gets up and says no thanks I'm only 19 and gay just waiting for my buddy to hurry up and get with your friend.
I pulled an all nighter. So hoped up on coffee and aderall. Pretty sure you could take my pulse through a snow jacket...
You were on shrooms and "the trees are crazy green!" is all you could manage.
i can feel the knowledge leaking out of my brain
replace it with alcohol - nature abhors a vacuum
mhmm. we know where to go, which places have free bathrooms, how long you can be in one until its sketchy, we have this down to a science. we're like the college sophomore pregaming dream team
Just thought you should know I'm having a reunion tour of Athens this weekend. Minus the weird guy I was fucking last time.
I gave him a bunch of ideas to use to spice up their sex life. Say what you will, I am the best 'other' woman ever!
He sent me a website link to GIF on Snapchat. I don’t think he understands how Social Media works.
Randomize
