If only Ben were 51% gay instead of 49%
I just puked in an auto zone parking lot. I'm never eating peanut butter and red wine for dinner again.
I just saw a girl licking a cheeseburger wrapper. dont ever let me get that fat
just saw your exgirlfriend at the mall. her sister is pretty hot.
called that a week into the relationship. like driving off the lot with a 2010 and seeing the 2011 models coming in on the truck.
I mean we've tried to get high on nutmeg, we clearly dont know the definition of "too far"
I wish I could just thrust my cock straight into her new relationship.
Hey, can you come over and kill me real quick
Im in mikes bed telling my vagina I'm sorry in advance.
No way. Every time you have sex with him you'll end up staring into those eagle eyes and stop mid-orgasm.
My period started right as he was entering, which really helped me sell the "I've never done this before" bit.
I just rolled over in bed and felt a bump. Turns out it was a lil nug. Talk about being princess and the weed.
When he swipes my v card it will be comparable to my bat mitzvah. should I make sweatshirts or sweatpants?
May he have a McRib induced stroke and lose the feeling in his tastebuds.
Bourbon is too strong for my cat, he does not want to drink it
Like, my vagina is jet-lagged.
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