I'm in your bed right now
Okay meet you there give me 10
Don't think you can make me leave either
Give me ten I ha e to be ******'s wingman I want you
Another night of drunkeness. Maybe I shouldn't have played death pong...
Didn't you just get a DUI last week?
Indeed I did but death didn't stop Jesus now did it
His moose knuckle keeps winkin at me
can't wait for January to be Over so I don't have to see all the fat resolutionists working out.
Eventually evolution will just give us a better liver anyway, so our great great grandkids should THANK us for our binge drinking.
I fucked her while she was wearing her boyfriends dogtags. I'm officially a bad american
Would I be bad if I bought a pregnancy test at shoppers the same time I hand in a resume? Or do you think it would get me the job?
At least she'll always have a story about the time she showed up to the emergency room drunk and covered in chocolate syrup on her birthday.
I replaced his Viagra pills with sleeping pills.
Just picked up an ounce of keif and if it goes to waste before the world ends I'm gonna haunt the shit out of somebody when we all die.
Fuck. I have to get my shit together by lunch. Mission impossible.
Next time I think buying tan-thru bikinis is a good idea, remind me of that time I passed out in one and burned the epic shit out of my pussy.
When was that?
Yesterday. Bring aloe. For my pussy.
He came on my pillow pet. That's unacceptable. I hate boys.
Friends don't let friends go vibrator shopping alone.
There's nothing classy about a pregnant girl at a frat party...remember that.
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