Holy shit I just stopped short on route 18 because I thought my gps was saying I had to turn right in 11 feet. After almost hitting the guardrail I realized I had to turn in 11 miles.
Fuck I'm high.
his penis was like watching paranormal activity your very hyped up to see it but you think it might be very scary and in the end you didnt really see anything at all
My porch is a mess of peanut butter and tostitos...thanks for that.
2pm: Breaking news alert: I think I'm finally sober. Oh, and that place needs hotter strippers.
of all places to pass out....why right in front of our RA's door? OF ALL PLACES.
She was kind of put off because I kept calling her baby my spirit animal and staring hungrily at her breasts.
I just took my birth control with a water bottle I found in my purse with vodka in it in Spanish class. 10am is still too early for me.
Don't worry I'm alive. The apt is all locked up so I'm sleeping on the patio. The frozen pizza I got might be toast unless someone lets me in soon. If not its all good I'll be here snoring on the patio
I think I just snorted head and shoulders by mistake.
Yeah.. I'm sorry I broke your phone. But in my defense you handed me the frying pan.
P.s. I loved that your balls smelled like coconut
Naked and Afraid: Hangover edition
I gargles a mimosa for breakfast. It's gonna be a killer Monday.
I’ve cut back on drinking and now my body can’t fight off all the bad germs without the alcohol. That’s why I keep getting sick
Nothing like ripping open the box with your keys on a sat R train and throwing back the morning after pill with some coconut water on my way to work at a fitness studio for free
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