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So drunk its hurt
Um, that's called prostitution
Not if I leave it on the nightstand, then it's called cab money
he put listerine on his cock to make the taste more "enjoyable"... i think hes a keeper.
Well, both are illegal but one involves my vagina a whole lot less.
yeah that's what i said...you fucked him and peed on his comforter
yeah well...Like any great yacht, I leave a wake
When he gets asked "is it in?" more than his name you arent missing out on much more than a petite tampon.
Nothing says Merry Christmas like gifting a bottle of rum and finishing it yourself then leaning over at the dinner table to puke it back up.
It was his birthday and he drunkenly offered me Portillo's and diamonds in exchange for a snap chat of my boobs. Even sober it seemed like a good idea at 3 in the morning.
Dude you spoke to a girl about CRICKET. She MUST want sex
If you don't fuck me hard, rough, and senseless the minute we're alone in your room, I'm returning you to the boyfriend store
Thanks for wearing matching bob ross shirts to the bar with me and referring to every guy as a happy little accident
You came in, yelled 'i am from the future' then puked all over the floor
Walking back to my car from the campus library and just saw a Nuva Ring on the sidewalk. If that doesn't scream college life, idk what does.
Yeah come over whenever. Weed gets here at 8.
I'll be there at 7:59.
Randomize
