all i remember thinking as i was puking my intestines out is : wow.. this toilet does look like it's from the future.
Kelly Kapowski is pregnant and it's not Zach Morris'. I no longer believe in true love.
She was wasted. Kept yelling "what if I'm pregnant" and trying to push me into the tree. First and last time I bring a girl to my family christmas party.
Just saw a teacher from our school with his wife... Now i really know how little teachers get paid.
she has her graduation year in her skype name, it's like a constant reminder that she's jail bait.
He made me a "booty call of the year" award.
I generally just try to vote by which candidate I think has the bigger dick. Sorry Romney.
Just tapped my penis on the head and said "this will be your year buddy."
I climbed out of the shower to him sitting on the floor trimming his pubes with nail clippers, we both just started laughing at how drunk we were
Pretty sure I love my nipple piercing more than I'll love my children someday
My new superpower is making fuckboys disappear!
Bending dicks and egos since 2002
Dude i woke up today by a pile of fried chicken and wearing a bra
.......stop going to frat parties....
Thanks. I just smoked a bowl topless so I'm in heaven right now.
He saw my Halloween/ Costume closet and assumed I’m into cosplay. I’m going with it. What’s sexier, a cop or a nurse?
I kept yelling "BY ORDER OF THE PEAKY FUCKING BLINDERS" in a terrible brummie accent at everyone I saw wearing a flatcap.
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