So i just bought beer on a credit card, using a fake ID, while wearing my nametag from work. All 3 have different names on them. God i love my boobs.
Dude, she knew her leg was on fire and she kept dancing. Bad-fucking-ass.
I answered the my mom's phone call about what we're doing for father's day while he was still fucking me. She thought I seemed really excited about his hiking boots present.
and then he put stevie wonder on to fuck to...and hummed along as I blew him
Why can't I live in a world where my only 2 options are rum bikini hot tub party or masturbating?
Your message cut off at "shit on the floor". Your life is incredible.
I'm not really made for random hookups.. i'm like a swan.. i don't wanna have random swan sex. i just wanna have one swan hubby and fly around the world together and eat bread that people throw at us..
How do I tell her I need the lights out when I'm getting head because she and my mom share a perm color
Would your heart desire to drink copious amounts of alcohol tonight?
I got really upset at the McDonald's worker. They should serve nuggets 24/7. Apparently 5am is breakfast for some people.
Out of everyone here, the sober one caught the cat on fire.
What was my myspace song when I went away to rehab?
Clearly you've confused me for someone who has their shit together, and honestly I have no idea how you did that.
So she was on top of my phone and somehow called my roommate while I banged her. I picked up and he congratulated me. I was with his sister. I will take this to my grave.
I should be in a better mood, I just went home and had a quickie on my lunch break.
I had a sandwich.
Randomize
