i guess you could say your face is two degrees of separation from my balls
And then you told your sister how horrible of a friend I was because I couldn't get you cheese fries...
Ah why did you tell everyone you dragged your sac across my face!
im so glad i don't have to work tomorrow. I'm spendin all night on the new call of duty.
Wow. That's the gayest thing you ever said.
Look man i'm staying in playing videogames and growing a beard. Its not like i'm trying to get a girlfriend.
The man at the Honda dealership told me I smell like vodka and probably shouldn't be driving.
Cop gave me a ticket for public drunkedness, and then I convinced him to drive me back to the party
I cant even remember his name or what he looked like. all I remember is what the tattoo on his forearm looked like.
well, he kindof looked like a walmart greeter. I tried to stop you
Don't judge me. It was less weird than it sounds when we were in the moment and it was his birthday
Dear vodka that I hid in a water bottle in the backseat of Blairs car, I'm sorry that she gave you away to a man on side of the road with an over heated engine. I'm sure the car doesn't appreciate you as much as I would have.
oh and if she happens to say anything about a cantalope and tissues... just go with it
...i'd have to set their sheets on fire.
Absinthe night with my dad again, I could get used to this being home thing.
thanks for not telling him i named my trumpet after his dick
Uhh dog found a condom. FYI its on the table by couch please dispose of it. No reply Necessary
She's gonna be mad if she finds out you put weed in her house warming cookies
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