if i hurry i can finally have sex while stoned off my ass
godspeed.
Dude we need to petition the city about running buses later, none of my booty calls own cars
Dude, if she brings up the lube, you know nothing
That's science, my friend. Boner science.
he couldnt get it up, so i stole his lighter. i needed to have some reason to say the night wasnt wasted
well someone pooped in the lint basket in the laundry room last night, but none of us will admit to it so we're all just secretly judging each other and doubting ourselves.
He's only going to be gone for two weeks
That's two months in gay whore years.
I may or may not have just hot boxed a backhoe on the construction site of a police station that's being rebuilt..
On the way home there was a guy passed out IN the road on Colfax with his pants around his ankles, completely bare assed. If he was dressed as a speed bump, he succeeded.
BRING THE BAGELS
I took multi-tasking to a new level. I just ate a plate of nachos off my lap while driving to the bar. And I barely got any on me.
Fuck it. I'm going for it. You're only young once, right?
You've been saying that for 5 years now. Let me know when the novelty wears off.
Also, you fell asleep with you hand on and around my cock last night.
The good thing about country bars is that the men generally look like men. The bad thing is the country music.
good news, i've got tacos. bad news, kevin's in the ER. more good news, the tacos were free.
Randomize
