Every time I hang out with your gay friend, I have to make a checklist of words to look up when I get home. First Google of the night? "Power bottom."
no, I didn't make it. Instead, i watched VH1 for... 13 hours? I use the question mark because I was using Flavor Flav's clocks to tell time after the first 3 hours.
I think I have swimmer's ear. From his tongue.
Theres a baby at this concert double fisting pacifiers. shes gunna do great in college.
We can smell you smoking weed from downstairs and your little brother is asking why the upstairs smells like gasoline. Please smoke in the basement. XOXO dad.
I found her sitting in the shower having an argument with the dolphins on the shower curtain.
She's either too fat to type, hammered or has terrible spelling.
got high to the hills theme song. FEEL THE RAIN ON YOUR SKIN. no regrets.
He waited until after foreplay to tell me that he didn't have a condom and "we" would just have to settle for a bj tonight...
It was a legit night tell he threw a snowball in the bar, thats when I knew it was time to go to the next bar.
We were so drunk that when I broke the bottom off a pint glass we decided to make it into a candle holder. How does that happen?!
And after peeing my pants waiting outside for him, i proceeded to drop down and roll in the nearest puddle to pretend like i just ate shit when he arrived
my ass is still wet. this is highly unpleasant. give me 5 to get changed and I'm all yours. or you can yell things to me while I shower and burn clothes
We peed on campus in the middle of the tailgate and then hit on a married cop that asked you to stop touching him
I threw up soo much that I started crying. Then his grandma randomly came in and started rubbing my back...
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