mark looks like s**t tonight! thank da lawd we broke up!
it's mark...i'm guessing you didn't mean to send that to me...
why is it that no matter what your novelty license plate says it always screams "im a huge tool"?
You know im sick of people that are still obsessed w obama. that was sooooo last year
Yea i traded my bed for half a bag of jimmy johns jalepno chips, am I proud of it no, Am I happy I did it? yes
Dude you need to stop whoring out my boobs. They are for emergencies only.
Bring my lunch to work in liquor store bags is doing nothing for my career
When I start puking tomorrow, just let me be. it'll start around 8:35. just let me heave. i love this part of my morning.
I really can't get over how proud I am of all us getting laid at the same time in the same apartment
I will not hesitate to go down on a dick for some cream soda.
Like I cant decide if he's like autistic or something or just seriously cock blocks himself on purpose with this shit
I woke up and my pants were in the kitchen but my shoes were next to my bed. Do the math...
BITCH I AM EXPERIENCING THE FEMININE MYSTERY SHUT UP AND GIVE ME DRUGS
I pay 3K a month for rent, yet last nite I broke into the back of my building, scaled over 2 tons of garbage in heels and took a dirty freight elevator to my floor just so my doorman wouldn't see how fucked up I was
U know ur prob on camera right?
And you seriously thought you could just walk in naked with a bow tied around your penis?
It seemed like a good idea at the time...
My bald co-worker just chugged a literal gallon of coffee. My condolences to his kidneys.
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