Marg and I just meaowed the nat anthem. I was tenor.
'm tripping baaaaaaaaaaaaaaas
i wish i could just chop off my fat with a knife..i would rather endure that than work out
Pass out mid-funnel last night.
is he apposed to sex in general? or just porch sex?
I just remember thinking that if i ran really fast through the house, no one would notice i was naked.
I'm sitting on the patient chair, waiting for my vagina to be violated & "i don't want to miss a thing" has been playing on repeat. WHY IS THIS HAPPENING TO ME.
I'm bleeding from my lower lip, and I have bruises around my neck. It was just easier to say I got mugged.
If Megan asks I spilled my water water all over her. I pissed on your roommate. You're welcome. I expect you to keep that on the down low. Seriously tell her the water thing
Slow dancing with the chandelier.
Ok, it's starting to sound like someone's out there trying to learn to play the trombone while breaking kitchenware.
It's like bringing a chick home from the bar the night before and waking up to thinking you are about to go another round... Just to wake up and find she's already left...
Every time I someone I meet again from that wedding it turns into the "Oh your the guy who puked in the hallway and passed out in front of the elevator."
You know your night is done when the police confiscate your bra at high school basketball game
I think he knows I took a picture of him. Why I don't get punched in the face more often is anyone's guess.
It is NEVER not funny to me when I am sitting at a table and I've touched the dicks of every single person I'm sitting with.
Randomize
