Yours is on the dinner table...mine is in my underwear drawer.
I have a feeling we are going to become cougars together.
Do you remember peeing on the wall and then yelling at us to stop looking at your dick?
My biology professor just used the phrase "dick fairy" in a sentence. No, it didn't make more sense in context.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i was surprised by the severity of his small dick condition
Um I just overheard that the new guy spent a month in jail. Obvi another great hire.
#1 RULE OF DRINKING: DELETE YOUR EX'S NUMBER FROM YOUR PHONE
If she has AMC, I may have to fuck her today. I want to catch up on the walking dead.
He didn't get laid that weekend.. and that is honestly an accomplishment for the rest of us.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Wait what do you mean I BOUGHT A FUCKING HORSE LAST NIGHT?!?!
dude wtf why are there forks in my wall
does "I AM MAGNETOOOO" ring any bells, because that was you for an entire hour last night
Your sister walked upto me in the middle of the hallway and was like get us beer or shes never having sex with you ever again, wtf
The report specifies "melted cheese food" as the cause of the burns. Your pride, like your cock, isn't getting out of this without heavy damage.
At least they took the pillow of my bed before they had sex. My friends are so polite.
No. No. Fuck you! You can do your own grocery shopping.
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