NEED BACKUP we are in the kitchen arguing about who would win in fight against lil Wayne and snoop dog
I just saw a commercial that said "call your doctor if erections last more than 4 hours". I said "disgusting" and my mom said "I know, i hate when that happens." Get me out of here.
the only thing he could say in english were 'insert coin here' and 'game over'. i love spanish men.
This could be one of the worst things i've done... The background of her phone is her and her boyfriend.
you better take a shot tonight for every cat you have ever seen and wanted. this is a lot of cats.
My last google search of the night was "Things that cost $102.50"
I think I'll handle my grief by throwing myself headlong into lesbianism. Seems like a fitting tribute to you.
okcupid is pretty much insisting i hook up with this chick who looks like andy milonakis.
We're living together and you don't know if I've seen Titanic?!
I held the blackjack dealer's hand and told the old asian woman she was 'soft to the touch, but cold as ice"
Dude, I came home and you were passed out halfway through the front door in your Minnie Mouse outfit... with a beer still in hand
I don't trust a bar IN TENNESSEE that doesn't have Jack Daniels.
We're lying on the pavement outside of the college. No one has asked if we're okay. I think they all understand.
I woke up in his closet, with my shirt inside out and backwards, Rolos in my hand, a tortilla with a face carved into it stuck to the fridge with a magnet, a homemade bong next to the bed, and the door off the hinges... I need a chaperone.
Also I will be receiving my own bra in the mail because I left it at his place, woops
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