Your face is a jimmy john
Quoting wale wont save you from herpes
that's the ideal party shoe. cute, but i can still puke in them.
At one point last night while tipping the bartender you looked at him and said "If I need money later, I'm taking this back"
it's just like freshman year of high school, with more drugs
dear sober me, don't br the first to open the fridge in the morning
This show inspires me to have sex in space
i know you like preteen girls so i'm gonna offer you some advice...dump a bucket of glitter on yourself and walk into the sunlight. they will come running.
He dated me before I started drinking. I feel like he deserves a consolation bj for all the effort he had to put in to get in my pants.
My Pizza Lunchables won't fit in the fridge because of all your alcohol. One of our addictions has to give.
We're drinking vodka. Wine is for people who have to wake up in the morning.
Not even joking, someone broke into the house to watch porn. The cops are on the way.
I tried to steal a Mike's Hard sign last night but it didn't work out
why what happened?
Well it was going fine.. until the bouncer noticed the three foot steel lemon sticking out of my jacket.
After the day I've had, I can't decide if donuts or fireball would be the appropriate priority.
I find celibacy oppressive. Huge waste of my time and talents.
Randomize
