The night was doomed the minute I started taking shots with an apple as a chaser.
He told me that he wanted to break up with his girl friend but only after we had sex, only for him to make sure I'm worth it..
I got Green Bay stickers to put on my nipples. This way when I flash it will look like I did it out of spirit as opposed to drunkenness
Cocaine Wednesdays have to stop turning into no work Thursday
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I only made out with him because he cured my hiccups
he just flipped me off the bed, said "deal with it", and came on me.
I'm covered in sharpie and the girl next to me just said something smells like fried food. Hint: it's me. Why am I in class?
they're both probably 7 inches? or 8? I'm shoving a ruler in my mouth trying to figure it out
If you don't want me in your apartment then lock your door better
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Happy cinco de mayo!! Puke filled sombrero in the lawn needs to be picked up and whos never punched my fence boards in half needs to replace those by the way the owner of those panties (see attached photo) anytime you wanna cum over;-) hiii!
Nothing like the soothing screaming of your neighbor getting boned while eating a pizza on the front porch.
If TJ is short for Trader Joe, I'm gonna fuck him
I just changed all my morning alarms to wake me up with different Jesse McCartney songs telling me I'm beautiful. Would you believe I'll be 25 this year?
Sitting in a music store. There is a 40 something year old guy in a track suit, with a boner, and playing the ukelelie quite intensely.
thanks for thinking of me.
Had a job interview today. Walked into the room and said "IT'S GO TIME, BITCHES".
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