Nyc is like a mosaic of my failed dates.
heading to class now, facing the weekend consquences
Just watched the couple I sit for and 4 of their friends shotgun beers like college kids. Please let this be us when we get older.
I keep telling myself last night was not real, not real, not real. Then I remember I can't move. This hangover is too fucking real.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
don't say the first was when I crawled under into the dressing room
I love shooting for the middle. Those girls never wake up well.
Dude, nobody just eats a banana these days. This chick wanted it. She wanted to get down with Charlie Brown.
Um...It has come to my attention that I may have said some rather vulgar things about Sean Connery to you and anyone listening last night, so...I apologize for that. I meant the things I said. But still. Sorry.
I feel like we should build an island for girls that have committed atrocious numbers of unforgivable sins. We'll call it 'whore island' after the anchorman fashion.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Let me be the vehicle for you to live out your slutty half-gay dreams.
When she saw "buy condoms" on my to do list she figured out pretty quick we were breaking up.
Spoiler alert: my plans for Halloween are going to make our dealer's birthday look like a bunch of mormon ladies having a scrapbooking circle
I hate when I wake up and find my vibrator next to me. Such a waste of an orgasm...getting myself off in my sleep and not remembering
So her ex boyfriend came up a lot in conversation while I was fucking her. Is that weird?
Who the fuck has a conversation during sex?
Our baby is creepy.
That's how we know it's ours. haha
Randomize