What can i say im a girl who smells like weiners.
So I went outside my house this morning and basically my entire front lawn is covered in gummi bears... I think that involves you guys.
Can you explain to me how i got kicked out of a bar last night, from outside the bar?
They all laughed at me when I bought that necklace from Life Alert. Who's laughing now?
planned ethnic drinking holidays while bored at work thru next may. I don't suppose you have any scots or russian in you?
The shit show didn't end. it just relocated itself to my apartment instead of yours.
you also need to get my treadmill fixed.
I held the blackjack dealer's hand and told the old asian woman she was 'soft to the touch, but cold as ice"
Banana suit guy has an entourage and they're all douchebags. There is no god.
Like I owe him sex. Hell fucking no. I owe myself sex. With a celebrity. Or a clean pornstar. Who knows.
I told my coworker that I'm going to a dinner party and was asked to bring wine and pregnancy tests and he was like.. I miss being 20
He wanted to save my dignity, I just wanted beads and jäger
Probably shouldn't be looking at memes at my grandmother's funeral
He told me he loved me and I told him I shit myself
last night you said that you wanted to hold my dick as you slept because it was like having a stuffed animal.
i feel like i got punched in the face....
you did....
Randomize
