i swear i just saw perry the platypus. the fuck dude. i shouldnt even know who that is
My sink just fell out of the wall. I can't deal with this right now
We need to stop sleeping with people based on which NFL team they like.
At 4am he sent "uree asss ize anmazin"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
omg i hate the new neighbors. why cant a bitch just be hungover in peace on a wednesday morning.
I tried to get you something for Valentine's Day too but they said they couldn't deliver skittles and ecstasy :(
U were yelling that I wasn't generous or supportive. Then you kneeled and said this weird prayer about the windows and doors of your life.
Haha yeah this costume is worse than I imagined. I look more like a gothic hooker who caters specifically to creepy men with doll fetishes
Well am going to a strip club before sun down, I dont think anything good can come from that.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I could drive to your house and kick you in the nuts right now....and not even stop for a burrito
Vibrator fell off the top of the dresser and hit me. This might be the most embarrassing black eye incident ever
Its 7am I'm awake still drunk, there is food, random clothing and road cone in my room. I can't decide if this is a failure or a success???
he told me he wanted me to go see his cat. apparently i was more interested in playing with his cat then having sex.
he'll eat me out, but god forbid we double dip when sharing salsa
So someone just asked us for our kidneys?!?
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