The crowing achievement of my life is still the time I made a 3 course meal out of things I found in the dumpster.
got a scholarship and a hot psych teacher. hello spring 2010
This is even worse then that time I fucked a guy just because he had air conditioning.
FYI the landlord called, said we need to clean the puke off the side of the house...was someone on the roof lastnight??
Bitches at mcdonalds acting like they never seen a girl puke in her own coat pocket before
Me and allie were just offered cocaine by a strange man in a women's bathroom. Why have I not lived in Austin my whole life?
You sprinted into the side of a parked car
Any story that involves the words "bloody hand job" and/or "sliced penis" is bound to be a good one, right?
Got another job?
If by job you mean clever way of getting free tattoos, then yes. I got another job.
I think I just did my first walk of shame. He sent me home with a watermelon from his farm. Southern one night stands.
I felt like a responsible adult. A responsible adult that may or may not end up shitfaced. But not heaving purple puke into a urinal like last time because I'm classy now.
This is my last chance to be the first person to fall off this roof.
Don't do it. He's got a dick the size of a baseball bat. You don't want that commitment.
I have to. For the sake of science.
I should probably just LinkedIn request everyone I've ever slept with so they stop popping up on my suggested connections list
I love millennial parents. One of the moms at the daycare center literally told me she and her husband named two of her kids after batman characters and one after game of thrones
Randomize
