White boys cant dance....we did an empirical study
theres no cameras in the kitchen right? cause i dont wana get fired for peeing in the kitchen in a cup
While I was dancing with him in my foil dress he said, "You're like a Chipotle burrito. Don't worry, that's the best complement you could get from me."
his semen tasted like maple syrup. no wonder fat girls always wanna fuck him.
I just had sex in a cardigan. Made me feel old. Smarter somehow, but old.
There is a guy dressed as Captain America in the theatre. I want to make out with him even though I have no idea what he looks like. Wish me luck, I'm going in.
he had the kids march single file in front of us on the way home so they didn't have to watch him pulling me passed out in their wagon...
if i'm ever face-down on the ground puking again, promise me you won't try to braid my hair?
She was purple for Halloween. She literally spray-painted herself purple and called it a costume. It won't come off.
I'm home alone for the next hour and a half, I expect soup and and a willing attitude to do drugs from one of or both of you girls.....annnnnd go
I just realized my hands still smell like your cock. Which is awesome, but I wonder if the clerk at the store appreciated it.
I feel bad. I'm the reason hand sanitizer exists.
She's hot and all. It's just I don't want to become Eskimo brothers with my sister
On my way to return shoes I bought so that I can afford to buy a pregnancy test. Is this adulthood?
This week I fucked a police officer and called both the Senators from the state I'm in and the one I'm moving to. What have you done since the election?
How do I let my trainer know I'm only at the gym so I can get in more intense sex positions?
Randomize
