Everyone just saw your hickey on TV and on the jumbotron at the hockey game.
Thanks dad.
He offered to take me out to a nice dinner but I told him I would rather he just pay for my beer this weekend
Now she's making me sit here and look at pictures of guys she likes who look like bears. She's calling them her bear friends.
I would have to gauge my vagina to make it fit.
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i just unblacked out cuddled in a pita pit booth with ten dollars rubberbanded to my hand.
Im just saying it can't be that bad if he drove himself to the er. We'll head that way when we finish playing scattergories
She's going to get me a sippy cup for christmas. If I can't open it, I can't have any more to drink. Seem reasonable?
Oh and in case you were wondering it is not a good idea to eat weed brownies and then go out to the bar. When I got off the bar stool my high had just hit me and I felt like Bambi taking his first steps
Yeah, but she is forever sending my vagina on some sort of mission.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
If you don't ever hear from me again, just know that I loved you
Jesus Christ that's like a real possibility
I am the girl who goes to bed with her make-up on so that she doesn't have to fully redo it in the morning. I am obviously not ready to be a mother.
How does that even work?
He told me he was my brother roommate in college after we fucked, but already knew that so I had pretend I didn't know that.. like how I pretended I finished. 2/10
I realize ur driving andwont read this til u stop, but I'm sleeping in the bed of the pickup. Please don't hit a deer.
just turned another straight guy gay. Goddamn the church must hate me
Come over. Bring drugs. My sister is making cookies. She took Valium. They should be badass cookies.
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