She told me she only masterbates to Kenny Rogers songs.
OMG. What did u say?
I told her I did too.
so... how was it???
he had bart simpson sheets. he had itunes on shuffle and "don't worry be happy" started playing when he took his boxers off. sad to say i was neither worried nor happy
Best walk of shame ever - Brown Hennesy shirt, bright blue overly large basketball shorts, stilettos from night before - ended up buying a ton of 40's and a 30 pack of coors.
Where are you?
A place I should not be.
fine then we can just have courtesy sex i definetly won't like it
She uses my penis to point at the tv when we talk about the shows. I love her
Only way we know if he truly fits in is if we spill straight vodka on the floor and his first instinctnis to lick it up. Otherwise, gameover.
He told her, Don't talk. Just sit there so I can imagine that you have the kind of personality I wish you had.
Im sitting on the exxon bathroom floor, idk if its healthy but it sure is cold
I called him daddy. To his face. Somewhat sober. What more could I do?
He invited me over for shower sex and pizza. Officially the best booty call relationship around.
Is it inappropriate to be Drs. Willy Fister and Jess Hewill as a couples costume for Halloween?
Oh we're gynecologists
The impact your presence has on my vagina without even putting your hands on me is quite astonishing, impressive and a little disturbing.
Tip of the day: Don't Amazon vibrators when your WHOLE FAMILY uses your prime account. There's dildo after dildo showing up in my "Related to Items You've Viewed" category on the home page.
She told me I’m a “stunt cock.” I’m okay with that
Guess who just stumbled into work hungover, wearing yesterday's clothes, covered in hickeys and glitter, and carrying a giant bottle of rum in her purse.
I just took plan B at work.
This is the greatest story of all time.
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