his facebook status quotes britney spears so there is always that
I just woke up to my FedEx of contacts I've been waiting for for about a week and my hungover ass went to the bathroom and used beer instead of contact solution.
He is drunkenly eating my teddy grahms and making little growling noises as he bites the head off of each one.
I was found on the hood of someone elses car... Who would've thought there were 2 white nissans?
I told her the white crusty stuff on my boxers was frosting not cum. She seemed MORE grossed out then
how did i get to the car and why are my shoes broken
coming from the girl bound and determined to pee in the snow
why would you restrict a girl of that
His reasoning for leaving the keys in the ignition of my car overnight with the top down in an open parking lot ? Too eager to have sex. The sex was not that good for him to do this twice....
Maybe I'll make your dreams come true and pee on you tomorrow.
It's like the drive of shame on fucking Christmas. Happy birthday Jesus
I wrote a list of things I enjoy doing. So far it says "get high and go to museums."
She's so high she just screamed into the pile of takeout boxes "which one of you gave me diarrhea"
I love him about as much as I'd love fucking myself with a cactus.
I doubt the gods of funday Sunday would exact such a high price... But it's good to know an afternoon with me is worth a left foot.
I think I broke my toilet with my head. There are ceramic pieces everywhere. and I might still be drunk.
Randomize
