you got so mad from losing a game of beerpong that you went into another room by yourself and practiced for an hour and a half.
when you get a chance can you look up 'free abortion clinic' for me? cuz i dont think i'll be lucky enough for a second miscarriage.
You don't even understand how penises react in the cold. I'm like a 8 year old boy right now.
Well, McDonalds 'escorted' me out after I passed out mid-order
We're gonna have the chick that teaches kindergarteners to fold origami roll the joints.
I don't know ur idea of a good first date but I'm pretty sure it shouldn't include him holding my hair while I puke in the street
I'm practically paying him in tacos to have sex with me.
He drives a BMW. I have to fuck him. Girl Code Rule #26.
He asked me when I was coming to bed while simultaneously drilling a fart into the mattress. Don't fucking get married.
He was rocking just a diaper, shoes, and a gun. Sadly, I would still hit it.
I woke up this morning with a half eaten bagel and an empty pack of imitation crab meat in my bed. This is going to be my response to pick up lines now.
Ive already seen two fights and a clown urinating in the middle of the street. Hello Halloween 2014.
I'm in jersey with marbles.. He's blasted about to fuck a manatee and his entire family is trying to stop it. His mother punched me in the chest for not trying hard enough
Somehow my boobs came up in conversation AGAIN last night and I'm still not getting laid...
its been well over a year and hes still saying sex with me was epic
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